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sarcasticweather
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Name: the memory
Interests: God. music. movies. friends. Internet. dreams that never left the ground. fall out boy. motion city soundtrack. panic! at the disco. acceptance. the thrills. the effects. gorilla biscuits. mae. jamisonparker. 504 plan. green day. something corporate. jack's mannequin. the postal service. franz ferdinand. taking back sunday. the bouncing souls. the academy is... bright eyes. the clash. the hush sound. hidden in plain view. jimmy eat world. paramore. punchline. i am the avalanche. june. midtown. ok go. the network. socratic. the get up kids. the movielife. brand new. up syndrome. never heard of it. alkaline trio. all american rejects. saves the day. funeral for a friend. senses fail. weezer. the rocket summer. the scene aesthetic. elliot smith.
(they aren't all my favorites. it's just a sample of what i listen to.)
Expertise: slacking off. procrastinating. &the like.
Message: message me
AIM:  ecks 0hh
Member Since:
10/7/2005
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| haha i'm such a loser. the link is this. haha. | | |
| i think i'm going to make a new username.
i know, i know. i only had this one for seven months.
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| ["The Room."]
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the
room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one! wall covered
with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that
list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these
files,
which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either
direction, had very differentheadings. As I drew near the wall of
files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have
liked." I opened it and
began flipping through the cards. I
quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written
on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This
lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my
life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small,
in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity,
coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening
files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories;
others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my
shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have
betrayed."
The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I
Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have
Laughed
at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled
at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My
Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never
ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more
cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed
by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that
I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even
millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written
in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I
pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched ," I realized the
files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly,
and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I
shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the
vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked
"Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the
file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a
card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that
such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One
thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one
must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I
yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and
burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on
the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I becamedesperate and
pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to
tear it.Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot.
Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying
sigh.And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel
With."
The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I
pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long
fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and
cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The
rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever,
ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.
But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him.
Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to
open
the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response.
And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face,
I saw a
sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst
boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and
looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His
eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.
He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many
things.
But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and
walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the
room,
He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on
each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was
"No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these
cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The
name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently
took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.
I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the
next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to
my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its
door. There were still cards to be written. "I can do all things through
Christ
who strengthens me."- Phil. 4:13 "For God so loved the world that He
gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but
have eternal life."
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| maybe seeing scary movie 4 on friday.
or take the lead.
KAITLYN. COME WITH ME IF POSSIBLE. D:
edit//
1. i'll respond with something random about you
2. i'll challenge you to try something
3. i'll pick a color that i associate with you
4. i'll tell you something i like about you
5. i'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. i'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. i'll ask you a question about yourself.
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on yours...
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KAITLYN
leave your name in a comment and...
1. i'll respond with something random about you
you remind me of a dog or a bear. [oh the irony. but it's true.]
2. i'll challenge you to try something
try out for the talent show if sarah lets you.
3. i'll pick a color that i associate with you
a nice shade of brown.
4. i'll tell you something i like about you
your humor.
5. i'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
i remember
thinking you were super cool because you were wearing boy shorts
because i wore boy shorts too. it was like in 4th grade.
6. i'll tell you what animal you remind me of
oh darn. i answered this already. a dog or a bear.
7. i'll ask you a question about yourself.
how dare you be so talented and cool?
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on yours...
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| my face hurts and i wish i could finish The Producers.
some more pictures because i'm a loser like that. =]
in new york. you can see the street sign.
in central park. i really liked the little "imagine" thing.
also in central park. :] i liked the fountain.
i think this was St. Patrick's Cathedral.
a piece of graffiti that i thought was pretty neat.
look! Rent and Wicked and Phantom of the Opera and a bit of The Producers on the side!
this was also from the empire state building, but i used flash.
 in gettysburg. really sad.
i think this was in gettysburg too.
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